Bittersweet Realization
by YellowEyedDemon4699
Summary: Destiel one shot of Dean and Castiel's first kiss. Enjoy!


"I love you Castiel. No matter what you've been through, no matter what you've done, I have, and always will love you..."

Dean heard Castiel's approaching footsteps and quickly crumbled the slightly yellowed paper in his fist. He had felt this way about his angel for years now. He had written so many letters, practiced so many confessions, and imagined so many things that would involve him and Castiel being together. Yet, something about it just turned him away. Not that he didn't care about Castiel in every possible way, but it was the way he was raised. Dean had been taught that it was wrong to have those sorts of feelings for another man, and before he had met Castiel, he whole heartedly agreed.

And now Castiel was here, and Dean was wadding up yet another love letter whose words would never be seen. He remembered how many letters he had written, how many of the words had been rendered illegible from the tears making the ink run down the page. He couldn't believe that he was being such a girl about this. All of it.

Castiel was now right in front of him, staring with intent curiosity at the balled up paper in Dean's hand, but deciding not to ask about it. "Dean. We have a big problem." Dean smirked, but the smile on his face was grim and without humor. "Is there any other kind of a problem than a big one anymore Cas?"

Castiel tilted his head slightly in confusion. Dean merely muttered, "What's the problem?" and Castiel's face went back to normal. "It's Michael. He's out of hell again. If we don't put an end to him, he'll put an end to us." Dean blinked a few times and turned around, back towards the door to his hotel room. Castiel's eyes widened. "Dean, where are you going?"

"I'm done, Cas. I'm sick of going after everything that wants to kill us. I just want to sit back like an idiot, and wait for the world to end. I'm finished."

Dean walks in the room, grabs up the TV remote and flips the channel to "Casa Erotica". Castiel takes one look at the TV and quickly turns away. "Turn off this channel. It's practically a den of inequity." Dean glares and turns it off, before going and getting a beer out of the sleek black mini fridge. Dean plopped down on his bed and opened the beer, tears building in his eyes. "I'm sorry Cas. Give me one reason that I have to be alive. One reason."

Five years' worth of words lingered on Castiel's lips, making his chest burn. He had always had feelings for Dean, even after the idiotic things the puny human had done, Castiel truly believed that he had felt what it was like to fall in love. He closed his eyes for a moment before replying in a gruff voice, "I can think of plenty of reasons, Dean. None that you would agree though."

Dean formed another unamused smirk and stood up so he was staring face to face with the angel. "All that 'because you're a child of god' bull crap I'm not going to take and you know it."

A miniscule flicker of pain flashed across Castiel's eyes as Dean spoke. "Dean, my reasons have nothing to do with God anymore. Only you." Castiel couldn't believe that he had just said that. That was too close. Dean could never know. He didn't want to scare the hunter away forever. The same flicker went over Dean's face when Castiel said what he did. Is that the closest he's going to get?

Castiel's chest burns even more, dying from how close Dean was to him. Just a few more inches and skin would be touching. _Dear God, I'm sorry, but I just can't take it anymore._ He prayed in his mind as his hands rested gently on either side of Dean's face to pull him in for a soft, chaste kiss. Dean's arms wrapped around Castiel's waist, kissing back gently. Castiel's eyes filled with tears as the moment he had been waiting for, for years now had finally arrived, and was a million times more wonderful than he had imagined. Dean broke the kiss, relishing in the feel of Castiel's warm breaths on his face. "I love you Cas." Castiel's grip on Dean tightened as his arms wrapped around Dean's neck. "I love you too Dean. I'll always love you. No matter what you've been through, no matter what you've done, I have, and always will love you..."


End file.
